


Fine

by lizwontcry



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 10:02:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17847311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizwontcry/pseuds/lizwontcry
Summary: Meredith is fine and will always be fine, and Alex knows this. But he is still there to comfort her after losing yet another person in her life.  Spoilers for 15x11.





	Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little scene I thought was missing from 15x11.

All the kids are in bed, the silverware is in the dishwasher, the laundry is in the washer. But... Meredith doesn't exactly know _where_ she is.

She sits down on the couch with a glass of wine and tries to figure out how she's feeling. Should she be crying right now? Should she be pouring over a non-existent photo album full of her happy childhood moments spent with Thatcher and Ellis? Meredith can't put her finger on a single emotion she should be having at the moment. She's very close to deciding not to have any--something that has served her not exactly well over the years, but is nonetheless a familiar way to cope with the things she sees on an almost daily basis. Sometimes it's just easier to not feel anything at all.

There's a soft but dull knock on Meredith's door. She takes a second to get up and answer it, slightly annoyed that she's being disturbed at a time like this, but also grateful that whoever it is didn't ring the doorbell and wake up her babies. 

When she gets to the door, she's relieved and also somehow not surprised that it's Alex who has come to see her. Apparently she needs her best friend more than she thinks, because before he even has a chance to say anything, she leans in and hugs him closely. He clings to her, knowing she needs him even if she didn't anticipate it herself.

"Is it just me or are the greetings around here getting out of control?" Alex says, and Meredith chuckles in spite of herself. Alex puts his hand on her back and sort of leads her to the couch. 

Alex pours them both more wine, and the two of them sit quietly for a moment. 

"So who told you?" She asks him.

"Richard," Alex says. "He came by my office to tell me that you might need some company tonight. As soon as he told me why, I was just gone. I didn't even tell Jo I was leaving. She's probably pissed."

"Well, thank you. But I'm fine," Meredith says, the words sounding hollow even to her. 

"Mer. You've said the word 'fine' so many times today, it doesn't even sound like a word anymore." Meredith gives him a small smile for the nostalgia of it all. "Of course you're fine, but I'm here if you need to talk." Meredith nods. They both take a gulp of wine.

They talk about the minutia of the day, their patients, the dumb gossip making the rounds at the hospital. Meredith wants to talk about anything and everything not having to do with Thatcher Grey, and Alex inherently understands this. But the talking winds down, and Meredith doesn't know what else to say. Alex grabs her hand and just the familiar warmth of _his_ hand brings her a great deal of instant comfort.

There is a comfortable silence. Meredith closes her eyes and concentrates on the wine flowing through her body and the cozy feeling it is currently causing her; she focuses on Alex's shoulder that she rests her head on, and while all of that is culminating in an exquisite feeling of peace. Still, there's something missing. Like a puzzle piece in her body. What in the world is that about? 

"I told him about the kids," Meredith blurts out. Alex looks at her attentively. "I told him all about Zozo and Ellis and Bailey. Those were the last names he heard before he stopped breathing. I wanted him to know that he has a legacy, I guess. That he didn't die with nothing."

"That was nice of you," Alex says, gripping her hand. "I'm sure he appreciated that..."

Meredith nods. "He told me a lot of things. He said he was at Derek's funeral but he didn't want to bother me. He said... oh, it doesn't really matter anymore."

She's not crying. She's not going to cry.

"Hey, Mer... it's okay if you're upset. It's just me, you know. Your father died. He was a son of a bitch, but at the end of the day, he was your old man. Believe me, I can relate."

"I don't know, Alex... I don't know how this can possibly ping my radar. I'm not exactly a stranger to death. I watched my husband take his last breaths, I was passed out in the woods when my sister stopped breathing, my dead mother visited my unconscious body when she died. My patients die. What even is death, like when you really think about it? It's nothing. It literally doesn't matter."

Alex says nothing. He just holds her tighter. 

"Not to mention what a complete waste of a father he was! He wasn't even around! He abandoned me. He could have fought for me and he never did. Even at the end he didn't try. So there is no reason why this could affect me at all."

"I get it, Mer. I get it and you can feel that way if you want to--obviously no judgment here. But also... it's okay. It's okay if you want to feel different about this one. I'm here, and if you want to be sad, we can be sad together."

Meredith nods. She tries to fight it, but for some reason, she feels a tear stream down her face. And then a lot of tears. Before she knows it, Meredith is _sobbing._ Like, where is this even coming from? She spent the last couple of years denying Thatcher's existence, and now that he's really gone, she can't control the emotions. It makes her feel so defeated. So powerless. 

"Wow, this sucks," Meredith says through her tears. Alex laughs. He gets up and finds a box of tissues. He wipes her nose with it, which makes _her_ laugh, too.

"It's cool, I've seen you much worse," Alex says. She laughs, and cries, and they drink more wine and talk about what a bitch it is to lose a terrible father. 

Meredith looks down at her phone and sees how late it is. "Oh, crap. You should go. Jo is probably freaking out by now."

"No, Mer, it's fine. I'm here. You need me and I'm here."

Meredith smiles at her old friend--her best friend. Hell, her _person._ Who would have thought that idiot intern so many years ago would be the human she ends up depending on the most?

"Alex, I love you, and thank you for coming over. But I'll be fine. I've got my kids, and I have my work, and I have you. I will deal with this the same way I've dealt with everything else."

Alex nods. "I know. And I love you, too. Just know there's somebody out there who gets it, and will always get it."

"I know. I never forget that."

Alex kisses her on the cheek and they both head to the door. Before he leaves, he pauses for a second. Meredith thinks he's going to say something poetic or important. Instead he says, "So what's this I hear about you and Deluca?"

Meredith laughs. "Shut up. I'm not talking about that."

"Mer, he's an infant. He's... he's completely inappropriate for you!"

Meredith gives him a Look. "I know what he is. And hello? Like either of us has the best track record with younger, or in my case, older colleagues?"

"No, but he's different--"

Meredith shushes him. "We'll talk about it later. You need to get back to your wife."

"Yes, we will talk about this later," Alex says, and gives her a Look back. And then he's gone.

Meredith turns off all the lights and slowly walks to her bedroom. She brushes her teeth, washes her face, sets the alarm on her phone. Before she sinks into bed, she opens a drawer and takes out the one picture she has of her parents together. She is with them, a little girl in pigtails, having no idea what twists and turns life was going to bring her in the future. More than anything else, Meredith feels sorry for that little girl. Yeah, she turned out fine, and Meredith can even claim that she's more or less happy with her life now. Her work brings her great satisfaction and success, her sisters give her a sense of family, her friends, past and present, all add something significant to her days. And Alex, sweet Alex, who understands her better than anyone else. But knowing everything that little girl has to go through to get to this point--it hurts, and now she has no parents to help her through it. Even crappy parents who weren't there for her in her later years.

But... she's going to be okay, and so is that little girl with pigtails, who is gone but never forgotten. She is always going to be fine.


End file.
